The Ack Attack!

“It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it. It’s like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is…it’s so unnatural, but it…it…happens.”

– Michael Scott, The Office

“You’re going down, La Fleur! You’re going down like a sweet muffin!”

– White Goodman, Dodgeball

“I wanna tell you something because you’re very dear to me. And I hope you understand it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had. And I don’t care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides.”

– Roger Sterling to Joan Holloway, Mad Men

“Smithers! There’s a rocket in my pocket!”

“You don’t have to tell me, sir.”

– Mr. Burns and Smithers, The Simpsons

“You should try talking to it. ‘Cause, like, supposedly they can hear you even though it’s all, like, ten-thousand leagues under the sea.”

– Juno MacGuff, Juno

“I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate, I’ve got it all!”

– George Costanza, Seinfeld

“Are these people your family? Why are they all smiling? Who’s being ostracized?”

– Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

“I’ve actually written a short piece whilst on the island called “Isolation.” Perhaps I could play it now?”

“Erm, maybe later.”

“Yeah, maybe later.”

“Maybe not at all.”

“…yeah, maybe later.”

– Howard Moon and Vince Noir, The Mighty Boosh

“He may not fit society’s definition of a hero, but he is the hero I needed…He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream? Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation? He is all these things and none of them. He is…The Naked Man.”

– Ted Mosby, How I Met Your Mother

“…this is why having a destiny sucks.”

– George Lass, Dead Like Me